I feel like I've disappeared from my blogging world for a long time... (can't imagine why I feel like that, seeing as how.......I have. :P) and I miss it. A lot of things have changed since April, I can certainly tell you that, and I would venture to say they are all GOOD things. I've certainly been blessed by God in this stage of my life. I will be going to college in a week... crazy stuff. But all that to say, my blogging has suffered....and it shouldn't. Oh, I've had time to write...but to be perfectly honest I just don't know quite what to do after I finish this last post of my character diary. Inspiration comes to me, certainly. I love words, and I love to just think and write what comes to my mind at times...but I am too critical when I do so. I find myself trying to think of the perfect thing to say.
Eloquent. Lovely. Inspired.
How do I write from my heart and translate it onto paper (or whatever form it may be)? Can I even do that, and make sense? Haha! I'm not sure... The first time I came upon my good friend, Hayden's blog, Story Girl, I literally fell in love with it. But not just the layout, or the subjects of the things she blogged about; but the beauty of her words and the creativity of her mind. Her, and her lovely sister, Emily (my dear Jane ;)) are both talented, beautiful girls. Talking with them in person, and watching them act in drama club with me was always inspiring as well. And I love gaining inspiration and creativity from the things that we talk about. =)
So anyways, I guess I say all this, just to let you know that I am excited to start blogging again. Because I love beautiful things...beautiful words. And creativity.
So, my friends. I've kept you waiting long enough I should think. Here is the last entry from my character diary as Elizabeth Bennet. I'm quite fond of it.
Pemberly, Nov. 25, 1812
My Dearest Father,
You implored me to write while I was away with Aunt and Uncle, so I shall do so now. My second tour of Pemberly is so far removed from the first that I wonder at it being the same place...and the owner being the same person. He is so changed.
I am no longer afraid and embarrassed to be seen touring the grand rooms, and I am in awe of them all over again. I am seeing them in a new light, really. I realize that this will soon all be mine as well as Darcy's. Is it rude of me to say that I would not have it any other way? It was here that I first began to feel that I could love Mr. Darcy. Here that I found I could learn to love the man I had sworn to hate for all eternity. The man I had misjudged so cruelly. The man who implored me to realize that there was more to him than I had ever thought. The man who, after Lydia's ruin, I never thought I'd see again. The man who loves me still, in spite of my blindness and pride. Can it be Papa? You once told me that I was your dear Lizzy, and that you could not have parted with me for anyone less worthy. But I beg to turn that around. Am I worthy enough to have someone like Darcy? Lady Catherine has denounced him for declaring his intentions to marry me. He says it matters not, but father....it is his aunt! She is his last living relation besides Georgiana and C. Fiztwilliam. While I confess I do not wish to ever see her again, I would endure it for his sake.
I can hear your voice in my head, telling me to trust him in this. I shall try.
Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery, for mine will no longer. I have told Darcy that he must warn his servants sufficiently of the family which he is marrying into. He laughed and declared that it would add greatly to his happiness if he could see you all at Pemberley often. You, Papa, have received a most gracious offer to use the library as much as you please, and I daresay you will be quite content with that, will you not? He has books enough to last you a lifetime and more. Ptolemy and Aristotle are among some of the finest bindings and editions I have ever seen, and he tells me they are for my pleasure as much as his. I don't believe I will read such things until I have nothing else to occupy my days. I would be asleep before the first page ended, and that's all there is to it.
When Darcy and I are married I would very much wish you to come here as much as you chuse, for I miss the days when we escaped to your study for hours and hours. No cares in the world could be found in that place. And while we are on the subject of cares, you may inform mother that Darcy has agreed to let her use the north wing of the house as a seasonal home upon the occupancy of Longbourn by the Collins'...which, for your sake and mine, please do not make that event come soon. I intend to keep you here for the rest of my life at least. I will have you know, Mother has determined that you will not die very soon at all now that the stress and nerves you suffered from, in the quest to get Jane and I married well, has been lifted from you. She declares that you must have been sorely stressed indeed to be in your study on numerous occassions....and the flutterings and spasms she suffered from were nothing in comparison with yours, surely. I laugh at the thought of you in such a state as that. It is not possible at all, I daresay.
I fear I must leave off now, for Georgiana desires me to practice a duet with her. I pity the souls who have to sit and watch. She plays beautifully and need not be hindered by my lack of skill, but I will do so if she begs it of me, will I not?
Until I return to you, Papa, know that I am indeed happier than ever. I am surrounded by good company, and learning to be quite content with the blessings I have been given. Vanity and pride are no longer our to give to the world...I will leave that to someone else.
Your Loving Daughter,
Thank you for reading! I'm already working on my next post. It will be out by the beginning of next week. =)