Letters From a Regency Heart #2

This is the second entry for my character diary. This is a diary entry, and not a letter.
Background information: Elizabeth has been at Hunsford Parsonage in Kent, and there met Mr. Darcy again. She recently found out that Darcy was responsible for talking Bingley into leaving Netherfield months before, and soon after she received this report he proposed to her. Hmmmm... 

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April 2, 1812
I have received an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy. Or shall I say, an offer of marriage and an insulting degradation of my character and family all in one. I am both shocked and angry, though the latter has recently taken precedence. That he should come here and declare his love for me and his contempt for my friends and family all in the same breath! I cannot fathom the audacity of the man, nor the reason he might think I would accept him. He seemed fully confident that he would receive a favourable reply, but I had on intention of giving him one. From the very first day of my aqquaintance with him I realized that he was a proud, arrogant man. This great flaw in his character is made greater in my mind by the hand which he has had in separating Bingley and Jane, as well as the deprivation of Wickham of his rightful place in the Pemberly parish. How can one man cause such turmoil? He declared his reasons for separating Bingley and Jane were because of his belief in her indifference, but only a man truly blind to the world could fail to see her affection for him if even the slightest attempt at observation were made. No, I cannot feel anything but abhorrence for Mr. Darcy and his insufferable pride, and I wish I could have never met him! Jane would try to talk me out of my hard opinion of him, but I will not be moved... I know realize I can say nothing of this to Jane. My reasons for refusing are too connected to the truth about Bingley's departure, and to tell her would surely cause a return of all the heartache that she has tried so hard to push away. I must keep this to myself.

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April 3, 1812

Charlotte begged me to take a walk this morning. She says that I have been in a foul mood...and I suppose she is right. But my walk this morning has not served to ease my countenance. I met Mr. Darcy upon the lane, and he implored me to read a letter which he had written in hopes of seeing me there. In it were the explanations of the allegations I had laid against him. He says that Wickham ran away with his sister last year intending to gaining her inheritance once he had convinced her to elope with him. Darcy intercepted them though and Wickham fled. At first I could not believe it! How could I when Wickham had been nothing but kind to us? Yet Darcy's letter was written in such an imploring manner, in such eagerness to have me know what really happened, that I can now have no second thoughts about who Wickham is. We have all been horribly deceived, and Mr. Darcy has taken unfathomable blame for something he had no choice but to do. Ashamed is perhaps too mild a word to tell what I feel about how I have acted in this case. My willingness to believe Wickham's story came from infatuation, and it blinded me to his true character. I now see that one has all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it.

As to the other matter, the separation of Mr. Bingley and Jane, I cannot consider forgiving him for that just yet. Though he says it was only for the reason to protect his friend, I still am pained by the fact that he kept them apart while she was in London. Surely her appearance there must have been confirmation enough...

My mind is in such confusion...I know not what I can think of him...

Elizabeth

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Thanks for reading!

Yours &c.,

Kayla Marie